How many people go through life knowing that they have so
much more potential than is ever realised?
Probably all of us… We all have
the capability to achieve more and yet, we often give up on a goal or an
ambition or on ideas thinking we’re not good enough or, perhaps, decide that it
is just too difficult to keep on going.
Much of what can cause this thinking and behaviour is the way we process
our inner thoughts of how we see ourselves in the world. Yet, when we start to
underestimate ourselves, a cycle can develop which leads to a lack of
confidence and it becomes harder to step out of our comfort zone. So, how do you start to tackle the issue of
underestimating yourself? From my work
over the years on helping others to develop their potential more fully, I have
identified the following ideas:
1. Know your own worth
This is the most important idea to work on. How we see ourselves, and work through
difficulties in our lives, sets up the pattern for what we do in the
world. We forget that others are unaware
of our internal world and the thoughts that circle round and so we are judged solely
on our external behaviour. Therefore, if
we choose to limit what we do this will be picked up by others and interpreted.
We might be seen perhaps, as someone who
is not capable or ambitious and so less is expected of us and this can lead to feeling
underestimated.
It is for each of us to value our abilities and to know that
perfection simply does not exist. We are
all human and it is natural to have weaknesses and areas to develop. Also, we need to take responsibility to know
our self-worth and how that can be used in the world. Indeed, rather than blame others when we feel
we are not being appreciated we should reflect on the words of Eleanor
Roosevelt who remarked: ‘no-one can make
you feel inferior without your permission’.
2. Keep a record/journal of your achievements
This does not have to be a complex activity, and much can be
gained from simply reinforcing the things that you are most proud of achieving
or where you have made a difference. It
is not necessary to be in paid work to act on this idea, we can all contribute
to the lives of our family, home or community that we are proud of and these
all deserve to be captured. Our memories
are not perfect for holding this sort of information, and if it is lost we also
lose an opportunity to record our worth.
It is also an opportunity to reflect on what we have done and what we hope
to do in the future to retain our vitality.
Don’t forget that some of our greatest achievements may take a very long
time before coming to fruition.
3. Working outside your comfort zone
Learning should be a stretch and a challenge and so, if we
are learning (which we need to do in a fast-changing world), then we face the
discomfort that often comes with not knowing.
This, working through feelings of being uncomfortable, also applies to
situations in which we might be underestimated or overlooked. Sheryl Sandberg (Chief Operating Officer) in
her book, ‘Lean In’, wrote of these feelings that women may have in
male-dominated environments. Being
different, means that you may be kept outside of the ‘group’ and that can feel
uncomfortable as we are social creatures.
Sheryl’s advice is to work through your discomfort and, lean in, (even
when it is hard) and have your voice heard and your achievements acknowledged.
4. Keep Learning
This theme has already been alluded to in the earlier ideas,
but deserves specific mention here.
Life-long learning is a pre-requisite in helping us to adapt in an
ever-changing and digitally-connected world.
Technology is an enabler for us all and understanding how to use it to
your advantage (together with having insights into basic IT security) is a must
for many in the 21st Century.
Increasingly, the world of work values those with knowledge
and skills and so to keep our skill-set sharp, we need to invest in staying
up-to-date and relevant. Knowing how to
sift out news and information will also keep us well-informed and better able
to know when we are being manipulated through fake-news. Staying in touch with the wider world is also
a way to avoid a thinking ‘bubble’ or ‘echo-chamber’, in which we only surround
ourselves with like-minded people and so stop learning about the diversity and
difference in the world.
5. Develop a strong support system around you
Although, ultimately, we are alone in the world, our need to
connect and belong is strong driver.
No-one goes through life without disappointment and upset, and to have
people in your life who support and reinforce you during these times is
essential. It is worth considering
whether formal support arrangements might also be helpful like mentoring or
coaching.
We can act as a role-model to others of what it looks like
to feel valued and therefore signal to others the benefits in knowing and
appreciating our self-worth.
6. Give back value
We are all part of a social system and one way to nurture
that sense of being connected is to give back.
Volunteer to do something that will bring you joy and improve the
happiness levels of others. Small acts
of kindness really do ‘make the world go around’ and are often remembered by
those at the receiving end. The strong
support system mentioned in idea 5, is further strengthened through mutual acts
of support and kindness towards each other.
Some of our greatest achievements come from work or an activity that is
unpaid.
7. Go for balance in your life
With the fast pace of the world and so much more to consider
as our self-awareness grows, we need to ensure we have moments of joy, where we
recharge. This is not being selfish, to
function well in the world and to remind ourselves that we have one life, we
need to build in periods of joy and renewal.
For me, a connection with nature is a very powerful thing. I also see many ways you can learn about
change, resilience and adaptability which are essential characteristics in our
world. Most importantly, giving yourself
time and space to think and to reflect is always paid back. Be warned, staying ‘in balance’ takes effort
and regular adjustment but, through conscious thought, can connect us back to
knowing that we are worth working to achieve it.
By trying out some of these ideas you will hopefully see
some positive changes in how you feel about yourself. Everyone feels down-hearted at times, just one
of the emotions of being human, and these ideas will help you to understand and experience
your worth in the world.
Margaret Walsh is a registered member of
the British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy, a Member of the
Association of Coaching and a Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Personnel
& Development. She works with
individuals and groups using a mixture of coaching and psychotherapy to help
deepen self-awareness from which to bring about change. She works face-to-face as well as by Skype
and telephone and can be contacted on margaretwalshcoach@gmail.com
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