Staying focused on goals when success does not feel likely

When you want to bring about a change in your life, it is hard to remain committed to your goals.  When it feels like such hard work, what are the options?  Simply give up?

What separates those who succeed over the long term, is to keep on going.  The brightest of people, like Albert Einstein, recognise this important trait in themselves.

Einstein wrote:

‘It’s not that I am so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.’

This self-awareness on the part of Einstein, undoubtedly gave him the energy and belief to keep on going, with literally world-changing discoveries and theories.  It would be good to understand a little more of this behaviour, and the strategies that Einstein employed, to see if we could ‘take them on’ and apply them in our own lives.

However, life and learning are not always that simple.  We have our own thinking processes that are complex, formed by our early experiences and reinforced by our interactions in the world. These same processes often solidify as strong beliefs about ourselves.  Sometimes, we may not even be aware of the patterns that exist in our thinking, as they are in our unconscious processing of information.  The more we learn from Neuroscience, the more that we discover that approximately 90% of our thoughts comes from our unconscious processing.  It is a sobering thought, that how you feel about yourself is largely happening beneath the surface of your conscious awareness.

The importance of understanding your ‘inner world’ and the thoughts that shape your behaviour in the external world is time well spent, as it is often from this place that sustainable change can occur.  If you feel negatively about yourself, then this is likely to ‘leak’ into your interactions with others.  Tackle those negative feelings or seek help to address them.

We should also be curious and, maybe, a little sceptical, about the messages circulating in the wider world.  Particularly when “negative” stories and news predominate, we do not always remain prepared for the hard slog of continuing to put in effort, especially when we feel we’re not going to succeed.  There are plenty of stories in the media, that show only instances of “instant success” that do not show the effort behind these results.   It is natural to feel disheartened if we think we are only faced with rejection and disappointment, and the rest of the world achieves success or happiness much more easily.

Remember that some people only provide a carefully-curated ‘version’ of themselves on social media and may only share stories or images that show their lives in the best possible light.  If we all posted a full, honest account of our lives, such accounts would have much more similarity and complexity, yet also be much more mundane.

So where does that leave you if you are feeling down-hearted?  Hopefully, you’re left with the thought that you need to stay connected with your own thoughts and feelings and process these constructively.  This is developed further in my next few blogs when I write about ‘staying tuned into self’.  Also, be prepared for the hard work and don’t give up too quickly.   

 

Margaret Walsh is a registered member of the British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy, a Member of the Association of Coaching and a Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Personnel & Development.  She works with individuals and groups using a mixture of coaching and psychotherapy to help deepen self-awareness from which to bring about change.  She works face-to-face as well as by Skype and telephone and can be contacted on margaretwalshcoach@gmail.com